For teens who have experienced instability or disappointment, trust isn’t something that comes easily. Many have been let down by people and systems that should have supported them, leaving them with feelings of uncertainty and, understandably, a guarded approach to new relationships. As a mentor, one of the most important things you can offer is trust—a foundation that can help them believe in the possibility of reliable, healthy relationships.
Here are some tips for building trust with teens who have experienced hardship, and why this foundation is so critical to helping them grow into confident, self-reliant adults.
For teens who have seen people come and go, consistent presence can be incredibly powerful. Showing up when you say you will, being on time, and following through on commitments might seem small, but they make a big difference. Many of these teens have learned to expect disappointment; being someone they can count on helps to slowly chip away at that expectation and replace it with trust.
Tip: Set up regular check-ins and be there for each one. If you’re running late or something changes, communicate honestly. Even small acts of consistency help reinforce the idea that you’re dependable.
Teens with a history of disappointment often have a heightened sensitivity to anything that feels dishonest or insincere. Transparency about who you are, why you’re there, and what you hope to achieve together is crucial. Avoid making promises you’re not sure you can keep and be willing to admit if you don’t have all the answers. Authenticity goes a long way in establishing genuine connection.
Tip: If a teen asks something you’re not sure about, it’s okay to say, “I’m not sure, but let me find out,” or “Let’s figure that out together.” Honesty shows that you respect them and value the relationship enough to keep it real.
Many teens who have felt let down by the people around them have learned to guard their feelings. To build trust, create a safe space where they can express themselves without fear of criticism. Being a good listener doesn’t mean offering solutions right away—it means holding space for them to share and reflect, free from judgment. This acceptance can be a powerful tool in helping them feel seen and heard.
Tip: Use active listening techniques like nodding, asking open-ended questions, and summarizing what they’ve said. Phrases like, “That sounds really hard—thank you for sharing,” or “I’m here to listen anytime you want to talk about that,” reinforce that you’re genuinely there for them.
Teens who have faced disappointment often feel pressure to be “good enough” to earn approval. Shift the focus away from achievement and celebrate their effort, bravery, or resilience instead. By valuing the process rather than the end result, you help them see that your support isn’t conditional. This can make them feel safe enough to open up, take chances, and eventually trust more deeply.
Tip: Acknowledge progress, even in small things like speaking up, showing up, or trying something new. Saying things like, “I saw how hard you worked on that; I’m really proud of you,” reinforces that you’re rooting for them, not just their achievements.
Building trust with teens who may have experienced instability requires patience and an understanding of their boundaries. Some teens may take time to open up, while others may talk freely but still keep parts of themselves guarded. Respect where they are, let them set the pace, and be clear that they’re in control of how much they choose to share.
Tip: Gently reinforce their autonomy by saying things like, “You don’t have to share anything you’re not comfortable with,” or “Let’s go at a pace that feels good for you.” By doing so, you allow them to feel safe and empowered in their relationship with you.
Teens who have been disappointed by people close to them may struggle with self-belief. Encouraging them to see their own strengths, talents, and resilience is a key part of building trust. They need someone who not only believes in them but helps them see that they’re capable of achieving their goals. Empowerment fosters confidence, resilience, and the understanding that they’re worthy of healthy, reliable relationships.
Tip: Reflect back to them their strengths when you see them in action. Try saying things like, “I noticed how thoughtful you were in that situation,” or “You handled that really well—I admire that.” Such affirmations can build a stronger sense of self and trust in the relationship.
Building trust with a teen who’s faced disappointment takes time, patience, and empathy. As their mentor, you have the chance to provide something truly special—a steady, reliable presence that shows them it’s possible to form healthy, supportive relationships. With each interaction, you help replace feelings of doubt and uncertainty with hope and confidence. And in doing so, you’re making a meaningful, lasting impact that they can carry with them into adulthood.